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Official website of Seattle-area actor and writer Nathaniel Jones

• Wiretapping •



                                   SALLY
            I love you, wuggums!

                                   JIMMY
            I love you more, schmoogums.

                                   SALLY
            I love you more and more, wuggums!

                                   JIMMY
            I love you more and more and more, schmoogums!

                                   SALLY
            I love you more and more and more and more, wuggums!

                                   JIMMY
            I love you more and more and more and more and -

                                   AGENT SIMS
            Oh for the love of god! You're making me sick over here!

                                   JIMMY
            Who is that?

                                   AGENT SIMS
            I'm Agent Sims, with the CIA. I've been assigned to listen to your phone calls on the
            new random wire tapping initiative to prevent terrorism. And as long as I'm stuck
            listening, you could at least have the common courtesy to cut down on all the "wuggums
            schmoogums" talk. Please!

                                   JIMMY
            Now what just a second - you break into our phone line, and then tell me us we can't
            express our undying love for each other?

                                   AGENT SIMS
            No - I'm just saying do it in a way that doesn't make me have to puke my guts out.

                                   SALLY
            Oh Jimmy - how I long for your passionate embrace!

                                   JIMMY
            Oh Sally - how I long to feel your lips against mine!

                                   SALLY
            Oh Jimmy - how I long to feel your hot breath against my neck!

                                   AGENT SIMS
            (in a Jimmy-esque voice) Oh Sally - take your top off and jiggle around a bit.

                                   JIMMY
            What!?

                                   AGENT SIMS
            I'm also part of the Urban Surveillance Team. (he waves to them through the window)

                                   JIMMY
            Oh for pete's sake! I love you schmoopy.

                                   SALLY
            I love you more woopy.

                                   JIMMY
            I love you more and more schmoopy!

                                   SALLY
            I love you more and more and more -

                                   AGENT SIMS
            Oh for cryin' out loud! (he storms away from the window)

                                   SALLY
            Ok, he's gone. You've got the explosives ready for tomorrow night?

                                   JIMMY
            I've got them. Tomorrow, fire will rain down from the sky! Death to America!

                                   SALLY
            More death to America, wuggums!

                                   JIMMY
            More death to America, schmoogums!


2009 - Nathaniel Jones