VideoAudioWritingPhotosResumeContactLinks
Official website of Seattle-area actor and writer Nathaniel Jones

• Tales from the Smoke Filled Room •

                                  LEADER
            Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem. 

                                   MIB
            But, sir, according to recent polls it looks like Obama is going to take enough states that
            it'll be decided before the convention.

                                   LEADER
            Then we must do whatever it takes to knock him down a peg. What have we done so far?

                                   MIB
            We've sent out e-mails pointing out that "Obama" rhymes with "Osama," we've put
            together a fun music video called "Hillary4U&Me," and we've pushed "Souljaboy" to the
            top of the music charts, which by all accounts should have turned the nation off of black
            people altogether.

                                   LEADER
            And the result?

                                   MIB
            Rather than making them vote for Hillary, two thirds of those polled now suggest they
            would like to "superman that ho."

                                   LEADER
            We need to find a way to rig this election in our favor. Does anyone have any dirt on
            Obama?

                                   MIB
            I heard that he fathered a black child.

                                   LEADER
            Will anybody buy that?

                                   MIB
            No, buying black children is illegal now. 

                                   LEADER
            It's illegal, and yet he has two black children of his own. We'll say he's a slave master!

                                   MIB
            I think that'll be a hard sell, as he himself is black.

                                   LEADER
            I heard that he was half black, and half white - he's a flip-flopper! Which is it, Obama?
            Pick a side, there's a war on!

                                   MIB
            Also, I think, the wrong approach. What we need is to sow dissent amongst his
            supporters - they like his message of hope, so why not turn it against him?

                                   LEADER
            "What do you hope for, Mr. Obama? Do you hope a little old lady gets run over by a
            bus? Do you hope a child's balloon gets popped by an arrow? Do you hope this country
            surrenders to the Soviet Union?"

                                   MIB
            It's perfect! And they also like his honesty - use that, too.

                                   LEADER
            "You like honesty, Mr. Obama? Well then I should honestly say that you stink! To be
            honest, your ideas are stupid! And as long as I'm being one-hundred percent open an
            honest, I have repressed romantic urges directed toward Mib here!"

                                   MIB
            Wonderfu- wait, what? Is that true? I never knew how you felt!

                                   Police officer enters.

                                   POLICE
            Alright, we received a report that there was smoking going on indoors here - you're all
            under arrest.

                                   LEADER
            But - but it's "The Smoke-Filled Room!" It's a tradition going back to the founding -

                                   POLICE
            Tell it to the judge! Remember folks, second-hand smoke isn't only bad for your lungs.
            It's bad for democracy.


2009 - Nathaniel Jones