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• Vice Presidential Prom-Com •

                                   OBAMA
            Bill, come on - I haven't won the nomination yet, it's too soon to pick a running mate.

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            You gotta be leaning towards somebody. Dodd? Biden? Webb? Off the record.

                                   OBAMA
            Off the record? I'm actually thinking of asking Kathleen Sebelius. Hey now, she'd be a
            good choice!  She'd help me out in red states, maybe even win over Clinton supporters.

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            The only way you'll win over the Clinton supporters is to make her VP, and then have
            an unfortunate boating accident.

                                   OBAMA
            Don't say that - she's not evil. It's just that, I can't see myself staying with her for four - 

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            Shh, here she comes.

                                   HILLARY
            Hey, Bill. Hey, Barack.

                                   BILL AND BARACK
            Hey, Hillary.

                                   HILLARY
            Listen, Barack - can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            Oh, yeah, uh, I gotta go file a resolution. Be strong, Barack! (Exit BILL)

                                   OBAMA
            What's on your mind?

                                   HILLARY
            Did you watch the news this week? I won Kentucky.

                                   OBAMA
            I saw. Congratulations. Did you see my win in Oregon?

                                   HILLARY
            No.  Anyway, now that it's clear that you can't catch up to my lead -

                                   OBAMA
            Excuse me?

                                   HILLARY
            Look, the math is clear - if you include Michigan and Florida, and take out red states,
            caucus states, and states with black people in them, my lead is positively
            insurmountable. So, all I have to do now is pick my running mate.

                                   OBAMA
            Don't you think that's a little - 

                                   HILLARY
            No. Listen, Barack,  I want you to know that, even after all that's happened during the
            campaign, well, I still respect you, and, if you want to concede now and be my running
            mate, well... I might consider it.

                                   OBAMA
            That's very thoughtful.

                                   HILLARY
            ... is there anything you'd like to ask me?

                                   OBAMA
            Um... actually, Hillary - 

                                   HILLARY
            No - don't ask me now. Wait till the convention. (exit HILLARY, enter BILL)

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            How did it go?

                                   OBAMA
            I couldn't do it. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should just ask her, for party unity. Hey,
            wait a minute, Bill - maybe you could...

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            Yes, Barack? Yes?

                                   OBAMA
            Maybe you could suggest a good running mate?

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            You have to be true to yourself. Don't pick someone just because other people want you
            to! Listen to your heart. Maybe the best choice has been right in front of you all along.

                                   OBAMA
            Thanks, Bill. You're a good friend. (exit OBAMA)

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            Yeah... "friend". *sigh* (exit BILL RICHARDSON)

                                   "Three Months Later, at the Democratic Convention!"

                                   OBAMA
            Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored and humbled to stand before you today as your
            nominee for the presidency of the United States. Now, I'd like to invite my esteemed
            colleague, Senator Hillary Clinton to the stage. Hillary, will you be my vice president?

                                   HILLARY
            Oh, Barack... you can shove it! I'm running with McCain! (enter MCCAIN, confused and
            rambling) How's that for a unity ticket? I'm in it to win it, bitch! (exit Hillary)

                                   OBAMA
            This is the biggest disaster since four years ago, when the republicans threw blood on
            Kerry at the prom. (sits down on the stage) Augh! I'll never find the right running mate!

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            (Enters in a tuxedo, looking handsome) Really, Barack? Never? (helps Obama up)

                                   OBAMA
            Oh, Bill! You were right in front of my eyes this whole time, but I never really saw you.
            Bill, will you be my Vice President?

                                   BILL RICHARDSON
            You had me at "will you be my vice president."

                                   Everyone dances to "Come Sail Away" and live happily
                                   ever after.


2009 - Nathaniel Jones