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The Plural of "Play" Is "Plays"

SIGN: Proffessor Ludwig Underhoofin's Rural Academy of Learning (PLURAL)

INTERIOR, DAY. CLASSROOM.  

PROF: Hello, class.  I am Proffessor Ludwig Underhoofin of Proffessor Ludwig Underhoofin's Rural Academy of Learning .  And that's MR. Proffessor Ludwig Underhoofin of Proffessor Ludwig Underhoofin's Rural Academy of Learning to you. Yes, you have your hand up. What?  

SATAN BOY:  Yes, I do have my hand up. But just so you know, I only have my hand up because my master, the lord of darkness, told me to.  

PROF: Yes, well. . .  

SATAN: I would just like to warn you that I refuse to do any work doesn't have something to do with the devil, scarification and mutilation, or that moat hanous of evils.

STAN: You don't mean-  

SATAN: YES! The most hanous evil of them all- HANSON ALBUMS! AUGH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!  

PROF: I teach English. . .  

SATAN:  So what are you saying?  

PROF: Does anybody else have any questions?  

STAN:  I'm not one to tell you how to do you job, but I believe that with a coangular approach to the singular transparant effect of multilevel cooperation of the district executives in accordance with the hydrothermic examples of circular management, an intellegent individulual with minimal financial resources discovers the uncertain terrain commonly reffered to as Territorial Governing.  As with other examples of cross sectional marketing substantiaries contain multiple communicative pluviometrics.  This being so, the sculation of the proscidian environment of the academy here suggests that the infundibuliform structure is becoming plutocratically barbituric, if you get my drift.  

PROF: Uh. . . Todays lesson is on plurals!  

STAN: So what you're saying is that the squillagee of the Mephistophelean being taught will be turriculated in a zygophyllaceous manner?

PROF: A plural is used when there is more than one of something.  For example, if you have more than one apple, you would use the plural, which is apples.  

STAN: Which ARE apples.  

PROF: No, the plural of apple aren't apples it is apples.  

STAN: THEY ARE apples. Gees, and you call yourself an english  teacher.

PROF: No! Look, the plural of apple IS apples.  There is only one plural being mentioned.  

SATAN:  What does this have to do with devil?  

PROF: Nothing.  

SATAN: Then I'm leaving.  

PROF: GET BACK HERE!  

SATAN: Ooh!  Getting a bit evil, are we?  

PROF:  Open your Writers Inc. Books-  

SATAN: You're losing that evil touch!  

PROF: Open your Writers Inc. Books to number-

SATAN: Losing it!

PROF: Open your books to number 666.  

SATAN: Whoah! What number did you say?  

PROF: 666.  

SATAN: MUCH better! You may continue.  

PROF: Thank you.  Alright, now most nouns can be changed to it's plural state by adding an s to it. Stan, would you read the example given?  

STAN: No.

PROF: Satan boy?

SATAN: cheerleader to cheerleaders, wheel to wheels, devil to devils.  

PROF: It doesn't say devil to devils.  

SATAN: It does in MY mind.  

PROF: Yes, I'm sure that it does. Now, if you have a word that ends in "sh", "ch", "x", "s", or "z" you add an "es" to it. Stan, would you like to read the examples given in number 667?  

STAN:  lunch to lunches, dish to dishes, mess to messes, fox to foxes.  

PROF: Than you, Stan. Words that end in y, if preceded by a consonant, become plurals by replacing the y with an i, and adding an es.  For example jalopy and jalopies.  

SATAN: What's a jalopy?  

PROF: Nevermind. Now, when you have a word ending in y, preceded by a vowel, you only add an s. Like monkey and monkeys.  

STAN: What's a monkey?  

PROF: Be quiet, you.   Remember, if a word ending in y is a proper noun, you just add an s. Here's another one when the preceding letter affects the pluralfication of the word. It's when the word ends in o. When an o word's o is precedid by a consanant, you add es. Like hero and heroes. When it is preceded by a vowel, you just add s, like radio and radios. HOWEVER:  musical terms are ALWAYS made plural by just adding an s.  

SATAN: Keeeen.  

PROF: Be quiet, you.  When a word ends in f or fe, it depends on the sound of the word.  If the final f sound is still heard in it's plural, you just add an s. If the final f sound is a v sound, change the f to a ve and add s. However, some words can use either. Now, some foreign words or words of english origin are changed by changing the spelling. For example, the plural of criterion is criteria, and the plural of crisis is crises. Also, child becomes children. And a kid becomes an adult goat. Any questions? (SATAN RAISES HAND) Be quiet, you.  When a symbol, letter, or number becomes plural, you add an 's, or, when it won't cause confusion, just an s. When a word ends in ful, you add an s to it. Like "two tankfuls".  

STAN: Three wonderfuls.  

PROF: Remember this! If you are talking about two seperate tanks full of a certain something, you would say "two tanks full". When you have a compound noun, like brother-in-law, you add an s to the most important word. So it would become brothers-in-law.  Pronouns reffering to a collective noun, the word can be singular OR plural.  A pronoun is singular when the group is considered a unit. Like "the class prepared for its final exam." The pronoun is plural when the group is considered as individual pieces. Like "The class prepared for their final exams."  

SATAN: I like goat cheese. . .  

PROF: Thank you.  Now, some words are the same, no matter how many you have. Like deer, or sheep.  

SATAN: or salmon.  

PROF: Yes. Next-  

SATAN: or cow.  

PROF: Yes, cow. NO! The plural of cow is cows.  

STAN: ARE cows.  

PROF: (to STAN) NO!(To SATAN BOY) Listen, you have one cow, and two cows.  

SATAN: No I don't.  I have a lot of cows. A whole flock of cows.  

PROF:  Not flock. A heard of cows.  

SATAN: What?  

PROF: Heard of cows.  

SATAN: Of course I've heard of cows. I even own a flock of them/  

PROF: No! A cow heard!  

SATAN:  What do I care if a cow heard?  I've got nothing to hide.  

PROF: SERENITY NOW! SERENITY NOW! (lies on the ground)

STAN: Well now. (looks at watch)  Wow! We beat our record! These universities should really train these people better for high stress situations. What is this, the sixth this week?

SATAN: I make it seven.

STAN: Well, either way, the teacher is on the floor now, so we might as well go home.

SATAN: All right.



2009 - Nathaniel Jones