Official website of Seattle-area actor and writer Nathaniel Jones

• (Who's) The Lone Ranger! (?) •

The EWHS Sophomore Class's 1999 Homecoming Skit
*Winner of the 1999 Homecoming Spirit Award

Narrator: In the days of the old west, there's a hero known to all. This is Jim West! No one knows who he is, but one thing I do know is that on Oh Two Ranch, a bandit is up to no good!

Bandit: Listen up, sophomores! I'm here for that Spirit Shield, and I'm gonna get it!

Sheriff: Now see here, stranger, I'm Sheriff Caroline, the sheriff in this here town! Who are you? Let me see your ASB card!

Bandit: The name's Cooper Hopkins! Known to my enemies as "The Senior!"

Sheriff: Hopkins, eh? Where you from, Hopkins?

C: I think the question you mean, is WHEN am I from?

S: What do you mean, Hopkins?

C: I mean that I'm from the future! Class of 2000! Now, give me that shield!

S: Never!

C: Well, then, I guess I'll have to steal it! Ha! See you in the 20th Century!

N: And so The Senior escaped, but not for long! You see, Jim West was hiding outside the whole time!

J.W.: I'll catch that senior, or my name's not JIM WEST!

N: Meanwhile, Cooper finds himself in a most distressing predicament!

C: Hey! Where am I? (Drops time control, steps on it) What was that?

(picks up, looks at it closely) What's this say? It says 1599! I've accidentally gone to the medieval times!

Knight: Halt! Who goes there?

C: Aw, great!

K: Halt, I say! Who art thou, and wherefore art thee in my kingdom?

C: Who are you to boss me around?

K: Silence, knave! I am lord Frosh Heart!

C: Well, frosh, make like a tree, and get outta here! (Pushes knight over)

K: Alas! I hath fallen! And I cannot get up!

C: Shut up, freshman.

K: A lighter costume! A lighter costume! My kingdom for a lighter costume!

N: Meanwhile, Jim West has just been introduced to his new partner, Artivus Gordon, who has just invented a time machine! Jim is just finishing recreating the situation.

J: (Imitating Cooper): "Well, I guess I'll steal it then! And I'll bring it to the future, and I'll see you in the future, with my thing that I am stealing! For the future! See you around! Heh heh!" And then he ran away!

Artivus: Just great! Do you know what this means?

J: It means I've got a terriffic career ahead of me in the field of voice imitations?

A: No! It means that cooper is planning on taking the spirit shield back to the future, so that the seniors can claim it as their own! We must back to medieval times to catch him!!

J: I thought he was going to the future?

A: You don't understand! This is a SENIOR! The right year is the LAST place he'll end up!

N: So Jim and Artivus hopped in the time machine, headed toward the MEDIEVAL TIMES! Meanwhile, Cooper is still trying to fix his time control.

C: Does the casing go on the outside, or the inside?

horn: Too toooooo!

K: Hark! Tis my troops, come to save me!

Troops: We Shalt Save thee, oh wise ruler! Oh good ruler!

C: Oh twelve inch ruler.

K: I heard that! Troops! Attack that villian!

C: Get outta here, freshmen! I'm a senior!

T: A senior! Oh!

C: Now, fix my remote!

(troops QUICKLY attempt to fix)

C: Thank you, freshmen. Now, I must be going. Ta!

A: Cooper! Stop! You don't know what you're doing!

C: I know exactly what I'm doing! (types 1999 into remote. Art runs towards him. Cooper throws something, knock Art down)

Hey! Old guy! Have a nice TRIP! See you next AUTUMN!

A:(As C races off) It's fall! See you next fall!

N: Oh, my! Things don't look good for our friends! But things don't look too good for Cooper, either! Let's take a look!

C: Hey! This don't look like 1999! Where are we? (looks at remote) What!? 1999, BC!

(Two cave ladies, Wilma and Betty, drive/walk towards Cooper)

Wilma: And so poor Fred is outside yelling "WILMA!"

Betty: Tee hee hee hee! I can't believe we were able to get these costumes from the other classes! Now we'll fit in for sure! (D jumps in front of car) Wilma! Look out! (hit C)

Wilma: Are you all right?

BIFF: Are you serious? That bang was just big enough to get my remote working again. Come on, shield, we're headin' for the 90's.

A: Stop right there, senior!

C: Okay. . . Not! (presses control button, runs off) Hey! It worked! I'm back in 1999!

Shorewood football team: Look! He's from E-dub! Get him!

C: Eeek! (tosses shield in the air as team clobber him. Jim West catches shield.)

(Dancers come back out, dance as Jim raps:)

J: I have once again saved the day! Hip hip huray! Now it's time for me to am-scray back, back,back back back to the. . .

Wild Wild West!

(Play song as dance goes on.)

2009 - Nathaniel Jones